August 2, 2016

I recently watched the TED talk by Nancy Berns.  In her talk, Nancy discusses the difficulty we have within our society in discussing and accepting the feelings that surround grief.  Grief is messy.  Life is messy.  Perhaps the real problem is that we like to package up these uncomfortable feelings, put them in a box, and store them somewhere far away.  When we see people grieving, it makes us uncomfortable.  Do we talk about the loss with them?  What if it makes them more sad?  What if I don't know what to say?  Grief is a unique experience for each person; affected by a multitude of things from ego strengths and social supports, to their level of dependency on the one they lost.  Unfortunately there isn't a "formula" to plug in to see how someone will grieve.  These intense feelings we associated with grief do subside for most, though this is not to say that it won't be messy until then, or even after.  


We should be kind to ourselves while grieving.  When we have a good day, try accept it.  When we have a bad day, try to accept that too.  When we have a good day and the mere realization that we are having a good day brings us to tears because we have gone a period of time without being flooded by thoughts of our loved one, let us try to accept that too.  It's okay to feel okay again too.  


The truth is that there are no magic words.  Maybe one of the best things we can do is be present with those that are grieving.  We can't take away their pain, but we can ensure they don't have to walk through this alone.  





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